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August 24, 2008

The Cycling Geek

With humble apologies to the incomparable Ray Stevens, and his fabulous song, The Streak (Watch the Video!):

THE CYCLING GEEK

REPORTER:

Hello everybody, this is your Fox News correspondent
We report, and you decide, on the news across the nation.
I'm on the scene at the Arco AMPM Service Station
There seems to have been some disturbance here.
Pardon me, sir, did you see what just happened?

WITNESS:

Yeh, I did...I was standing over there filling up my gas tank
And here he comes
Through the parking lot, into the bike lane, and around the corner
Faster than a Roadrunner!
And I hollered over at Ethel...I said watch out Ethel!
It was too late, she'd already been startled...

CHORUS:

Here he comes, boogie-dad, boogie-dad
There he goes, boogie-dad, boogie-dad
And he's wearing strange clothes!

Oh, yes, they call him the Cycling Geek
Fastest thing moving two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his hybrid bicycle
He loves to give motorists a tweak.

Oh, yes, they call him the Cycling Geek
He likes to show off his physique
If there are cars to be found
One Hundred riders just like him will be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...

REPORTER:

This is your Fox News correspondent once again
And we're here at the major intersection.
Pardon me, sir, did you see what just happened?

WITNESS:

Yeh, I did...I was next to my car checking the tires
And he just appeared in the middle of traffic
Come streaking into the left turn lane, there, and through the intersection
Didn't do nothing but use hand signals, and flash a great big smile.
I looked over there where Ethel was sippin' her cool drink and I hollered...Hey, look, Ethel!
It was great! She'd already seen the poltroon
Flashed a middle finger at him in front of God and everybody!

CHORUS:

He ain't rude to motorists, boogie-dad, boogie-dad
He ain't stuck in rush hour traffic, boogie-dad, boogie-dad
He just loves to ride his bicycle because it's fantastic.

Oh, yes, they call him the Cycling Geek
He loves the feel of a saddle under his butt cheek
Wearin' his colorful jersey, and expensive riding shoes
Guess you could call him a freak...

REPORTER:

Once again, your Fox News correspondent on the mountain highway
Covering the disturbance on the side of the road.
Pardon me, sir, did you see what just happened?

WITNESS:

Yeh, I did...just in time. I was standing at the side of the road
Looking out over the canyon with Ethel
Here he come right down the winding road, likety-split
Keeping to the side of the narrow street
Watching for passing traffic
Heading straight toward us.
I hollered over at Ethel, I said look out Ethel!
It was too late...She'd already moved, having seen what I had not.
The guy was on a three-seater, with a friend, and an empty middle spot.

Here they come again...look...who's that with them?
Ethel? What the hell's the matter with you, Ethel?
What do you think you are doing?
You get your ass off that damn contraption!

Ethel, where are you going?
Ethel, you traitor!
Leave me the damn keys, Ethel!
ETHEL!!!!

Copyright 2008 by Kiril Kundurazieff

August 24, 2008 in Creative Writing | Permalink

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